I’m involved with a Meetup group called Sex-Positive LA. The group describes itself as “people reclaiming sexuality as good, healthy and fun.” This Meetup is changing my life – it has become my classroom and playground.
At the orientation, I met a new friend named Cheryl who also happens to be my neighbor. Cheryl is married to William and describes her relationship with him as polyamorous. (This word unfortunately has not yet made it past Microsoft Word’s spellcheck function.)
Wikipedia describes polyamory as the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. For Cheryl and William this meant that with each other’s permission, they could have intimacy with other partners.
I’ve had a suspicion that polyamory was a good relationship style for me a few years ago when I found myself dating and loving a few different great men. I was clear with them both that I was not interested in being monogamous. I remember being really happy during that time.
I wanted to learn about how to be polyamorous and was glad to have a chance to get to know a married couple making this work in their relationship. Cheryl brought William to a few events and I liked him right away. He was quick with a joke and open minded. He seemed to like me, too.
One day, I sent Cheryl a text to see if she and William would like to join me at the movies. She responded that she was out of town but she imagined that William would love to hear from me. I felt like (and was correct) that she was giving her blessing that I could have some alone, date-esque time with William.
William was gentlemanly and seemed super stoked to be spending time with me. He walked me all the way home – which felt romantic. Now I don’t know the protocol for polyamory, but I knew that for me, it didn’t feel right to do anything – for example make-out with William – without talking to Cheryl.
Once she was back in town, we were carpooling to the beach – just she and I. Perfect time to bring it up. I asked her how she felt that he and I went to the movies. She said she was comfortable with it. I asked her about the possibility of kissing or other things with him. She said, she was just fine with that, too. Should I believe her? Were there any hidden meanings or resentment or anything? I looked over at Cheryl as she drove to double check.
William and I set a date for him to take me to lunch. An hour beforehand, I texted Cheryl: Are you sure this is okay? Affirmative.
William took me to a favorite restaurant and then we took an afternoon stroll on some nearby cliffs overlooking the ocean. We held hands – it was sweet. We sat down at a shady bench. I looked down to William’s hand and noticed his wedding ring. I felt a strange and lovely feeling: permission to be very naughty. I put my fingers around his ring and proceeded to kiss William’s mouth.
William took me to a favorite restaurant and then we took an afternoon stroll on some nearby cliffs overlooking the ocean. We held hands – it was sweet. We sat down at a shady bench. I looked down to William’s hand and noticed his wedding ring. I felt a strange and lovely feeling: permission to be very naughty. I put my fingers around his ring and proceeded to kiss William’s mouth.