This story is not in my show – it gives more depth to the “after Tony” part of my story:
I was in Year Four of my relationship with Tony. Tony loved to travel. He studiously collected frequent flyer points so he could fly to exotic places for free. He wrote love notes to me while he was away, and always came home with a thoughtful gift. Tony truly wanted me to be with him, but never enough to give up his treasured points. Back in LA, when friends asked me where Tony was, I just felt like an idiot telling people, “he’s on vacation.”
I met Hans at a party one night while Tony was scuba diving in Guatemala. He had unruly black hair, a beard and wore a vest. I could tell he was sizing me up and was impressed with the fact that I had produced a short film. When I explained my worry about a contract I was asked to sign, he offered to help. He said, “I’m not a lawyer but contracts are what I do.” Hmm, mysterious. I decided it couldn’t hurt for him to look at it.
It was great. Hans ripped apart that contract like a rabid dog re-writing clause after clause in my favor. After a late-night conversation tying up the final details, I asked him about his background. I felt funny because in that hour, though he shared details about himself, I shared a lot more. Vulnerable stuff, too. Hans kept his cards close to that vest I saw him wear.
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| Competence itself can be foreplay. |
He sent me an email a few weeks later inviting me to go hiking. I picked up the phone to ask him point blank what he was up to given that I was in a long term relationship. He admitted he was interested in me and he said he didn’t think my relationship with Tony was going to last. I found his whole approach scandalous and told him so. I was flattered and intrigued but gave him my pat answer – no thank you.
Months later, I was inside the eye of the storm of my break-up with Tony. I missed the sexual me I used to be. And after so long with one person, God did I miss the excitement of being with someone for the first time. And so two weeks after my break-up, a quart of tears behind me, I thought of Hans and sent him a one line email: You still up for that hike?
I was high with anticipation of our first date. I had three sleepless nights until finally it was Sunday afternoon. I gave myself oodles of time to get ready. I painted my toes, bathed, shaved and smoothed on lotion.