What if everything you’ve ever felt ashamed of in your sexual past could be in some way released? In this series about increasing sexual esteem, it’s important to pay attention to all the areas where you might feel badly about yourself.
Exploring the parts of our sexual histories that are uncomfortable, embarrassing or traumatic can bring up painful emotions and memories. That’s why it’s important to consider if you might need the support of a mental health professional – a therapist – before doing an inventory like this.
Imagine three zones – the comfort zone, the stretch zone and the danger zone. Activities in the comfort zone feel easy to do. Activities in the stretch zone are challenging yet manageable. And activities in the danger zone are overwhelming to even think about. Proceed with the Sexual Shame Inventory as long as you are in either the comfort or stretch zones.
The Sexual Shame Inventory is a thorough list of everything that has occurred in your sexual life for which you feel ashamed. It could be events that have happened to you, things you have done or even things that you have thought or fantasized about that bring up shame.
It doesn’t need to make sense why you feel shame about these things. If you feel negative or “icky” about an experience, just put it on the list.
One way to go about this inventory is to go in 5-year increments from the beginning of your life. This can help organize your thoughts and jog your memory.
After you’ve completed your list, the next phase is to share it with a trusted, safe person. Please watch the video on that – which will be posted soon.
Good luck with your inventory; this is brave work.