The “Inside” Experience

I’m following in the vulnerable and brave footsteps of my friends Erin Stegeman Marrero and Fei Wyatt who have posted recently and inspired me to share. I’ve been having what feels like a lot of success lately. Things I’ve been wanting for myself for a long time are happening to me. As a younger person I used to want to be “over there” in the successful place because then I will me “made.” I’ll be done – done with struggling and striving. I’ll have made it over the rainbow and into a place of constant confidence, happiness and contentment. How blissful that would be. Well now I apparently AM over the rainbow. I have the respect of my peers, my clients and friends. I have media coverage and a platform to share about things that are meaningful to me. I have a safe place to sleep, delicious food, a loving boyfriend, a strong support team, a family who wants the best for me and friends who adore me. And what I’ve been actually feeling is overwhelmed, overtired, overstressed, overworked and overcommitted. Like my life is happening around me but I can’t feel it yet. Yet. There was an article I read a bit ago that spoke of “havingness.” This is the ability to accept a level of good in one’s life. It can be challenging to stretch my “havingness.” My capacity for good and for things to be even better. To feel deserving of it all, to stay absolutely still at times and let it all in. So I wanted to report in from my inside life – as I realize you so often only hear from the outer me. I feel better already.