I met some amazing people at Sex Geek Summer Camp who increased my knowledge about what transgendered means.
Like Mac McGregor. He’s an educator, activist and coach and is also female-to-male transgendered. A transgendered person was born with genitals that don’t match the gender that they feel inside. An example would be someone who was born with a vulva – like Mac – who has a masculine identity.
Terminology
A person whose genitals and gender identity match is called “cis-gendered.” I fit into this category. I was born with a vulva and feel female on the inside.
A person whose genitalia is not matching how they feel on the inside – that is transgendered.
Awkward Questions
Mac became our “gender sensei” at camp. He gave a talk about gender, and I had an awkward question: If I had a trans-gendered lover, what should I call that person’s genitals? Mac explained that I should simply ask them what their preference is. That makes good sense!
Another question I had was, “What pronoun should I use for a transgendered person?” Let’s say I’m at a party and I see someone who clearly was born with male genitals. I see masculine looking broad shoulders and an Adam’s apple yet this individual is dressed like a woman. This would tell me that the gender identity may be different than the genitals – just as we’ve been talking about. Do I call this person a Him? Her? Just as before the answer is, “ask.”
And don’t call from across the room like a dork, “Hey Dude! What do you want to be called?” Instead, be subtle. Make it a quiet side bar conversation. Be respectful, and ask this: what pronoun do you prefer?
Some people prefer “he” or “she”; some people prefer “ze” or “zim.” And some prefer “they.”
More Subtlety
It’s possible that a transgendered person feels neither male nor female. A person may also feel female on one day and male on another day. Fascinating, huh? This is one reason why the phrase gender queer came about.
There’s so much to know. I believe it’s our responsibility as cis-gendered people to learn more about our transgender brothers and sisters and Zees and Zims. You don’t always know who in a group feels in alignment with the genitals they were born with – so don’t assume!